Healing from a Death

     
        The following is an open-ended letter I wrote; it is addressed to my sister. I read it aloud at a small family ceremony a year after her death.

    Susan's death was an end and a beginning. I will continue to trust what is yet to come, to surrender as much as I can, and to watch myself play a large part in this ongoing adventure to care for young Nicholas.



Dear Susan,

What an amazing test you have helped create for us.

It feels like a test sometimes. For me, Mom, Dad, John (the baby's father), and Nicholas your amazing son.

A test of our commitment to resolve differences, to support each other, to understand each other, and to let old wounds surface so that they can be looked at honestly and finally laid to rest.

How have we done so far? Is there a final exam?

I am certain it is all part of the ongoing test of being human and stretching ourselves to grow and to learn. Feelings and all, I remain grateful for this test with all of its many opportunities for change and letting go.

Sometimes I feel sad that you are not able to play a part in raising Nicholas. He is quite a magical little guy. When I take him to the park or to the beach, I sometimes feel as if I take you along with us. I imagine you smiling and enjoying the outing also.

It has been such a pleasure to care for Nicholas and devote myself to fatherly wizardry. Nicholas and I often explore the secret waterfalls in Golden Gate Park, and constantly teach each other of our Magical Selves.  

Amidst the evolving course of events, I still find time to write and develop new ways of sharing my work with others.

Everything is in flux (as usual), and maybe you are watching it all unfold with excitement, as I am.

Love always,

Michael

                                                        Nicholas